Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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