I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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