theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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