So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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