Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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