That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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