someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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