Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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