never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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