just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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