New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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