I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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