i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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