something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize