3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize