somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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