exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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