it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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