I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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