If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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