Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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