I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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