Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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