your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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