I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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