Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize