Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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