so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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