I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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