why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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