I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize