Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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