I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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