Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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