I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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