Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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