Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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