just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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