My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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