it hurts more in the daytime
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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