i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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