when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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