I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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