I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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