They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
