dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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