I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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