She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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