there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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