my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize