so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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