i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize