I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize