well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize